Pornography is a topic that hits close to home for my childhood family. My father chose to go down a destructive path and pornography helped paved the way for him. It destroyed his relationship with my mother and his actions caused him to suffer the consequences of imprisonment. I won't go into the horrid details, however I want you to know the myth that pornography can enhance your marital intimacy is a big fat LIE!!! What does it lead to? According to the "State of the Nation Report: Fractured Families," December 2006; Appendix 5; Pornography, sexual infidelity, and family breakdown stated, "A major factor driving the increase in infidelity and relationship breakdown appears to be the rapidly increasing accessibility of pornography via the internet. In 2003 the online service Divorce Online reported that of the 500 divorce petitions it surveyed, half contained allegations concerning cybersex, inappropriate online relationships and pornography, findings which (it stated) appear to support earlier studies into the Net and marriage breakup."
President Howard W. Hunter warned from his address entitled, "Being a Righteous Husband and Father," that "Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one's character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed" (Hunter, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51).
Talking about sex and intimacy in marriage is a topic not many couples feel comfortable with, but it is important to talk about it with your spouse, especially talking about the potential dangers that could destroy your marriage (like pornography). If you feel that you have a problem with pornography, I suggest you get help now. The first step is talking to your spouse and working on it together. Among other resources, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has some ideas where you can begin to help overcome the use of pornography. If you would like to learn more go to the Church's website at: https://www.lds.org/topics/pornography?lang=eng
Something else to think about is how are you building intimacy in your relationship? What are you doing to help your spouse feel loved and safe in your intimate relationship? Looking at pornography is not going to help you build sexual intimacy with your spouse. What you can do to build intimacy with your spouse is communicate. Communication about sexual intimacy with your spouse is key! I understand that it is a sensitive subject, but it is okay to discuss the boundaries of sexual intimacy with your beloved spouse. If you two are not on the same page in your sex life, things could get rocky. Brent A. Barlow stated,
"Talking together about the physical dimensions of the relationship can help spouses get to know each other physically. Even partners who freely discuss finances, discipline of children, recreational activities, and so forth, often feel uncomfortable discussing this intimate subject. And they sometimes assume that their intimate relationship should just "naturally" work out and that to discuss it means something has gone wrong. This is simply not true. While these intimacies, because of their sacred nature, should not be discussed with friends or other relatives, it is totally appropriate to discuss with a marriage partner." He goes on to state, "Talking about this intimate relationship- including the emotional feelings that attend it- can go a long way in strengthening a marriage" (Barlow, June 1987).
I pretend not to be an expert in what happens in your marriage, but I can guarantee if you are not working together with your spouse and communicating about your sexual intimacy, you could stumble on some serious roadblocks. I leave you with these thoughts from Elder David A. Bednar, from a BYU-I Devotional in 2003 entitled, "Moral Purity." He stated, "...there are bounds for the appropriate expression of love between a husband and a wife. Dignity, purity, and mutual acceptability ought to characterize our most intimate relationships. The more we stray from the simple in our expression of affection, the closer we approach the perverted. Loyalty to your spouse, consideration, and, most importantly, the whisperings of the Holy Ghost will help you know what is right to recognize the path that will lead you away from temptation" (Bednar, 2003).
Everything in this life that means something takes work and effort. Our intimacy in marriage is no different. You can accomplish the sacred intimacy you are seeking if you choose to do these things.
References
Barlow. Brent A. (1987, June). They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage. Liahona, June 1987. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/study/liahona/1987/06/they-twain-shall-be-one-thoughts-on-intimacy-in-marriage?lang=eng
Bednar, David A. (2003, Jan.). Moral Purity. Brigham Young University-Idaho Devotional, Jan. 7, 2003.
Hunter, Howard W. (1994, Nov.). Being a Righteous Husband and Father. Ensign, Nov. 1994. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/1994/11/being-a-righteous-husband-and-father?lang=eng
"The State of the Nation Report: Fractured Families." (2006, Dec.). Appendix 5: Pornography, sexual infidelity, and family breakdown.
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