#6: Love and Sacrifice

In the book, "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage," Dr. H. Wallace Goddard states, "Sacrifice is generally devalued and misunderstood in our society. Tzvetan Todorov, a social commentator, invites us to think differently: "To care about someone does not mean sacrificing one's time and energy for that person. It means devoting them to the person and taking joy in doing so; in the end, one feels richer for one's efforts, not poorer" (Goddard, 2009, p. 48). 

As I have reflected on the marriages of the couples in my life that I deem to be successful, this is what they do. They willingly sacrifice their time and energy for their spouse. I know a couple who have been married for over 60 years and they are the epitome of what sacrificing for each other looks like. I asked them what is the key of success in their marriage and they both said a number of things, but it was the time and effort they put into their marriage that was the most meaningful to them. They made it a priority to go on weekly dates with each other, no matter how busy they were. They called each other during the day and checked in with one another. This was especially meaningful when the wife was a stay-at-home mom up in arms with children all day and she just needed an adult to talk to for a few minutes. They both made it a priority to attend the temple monthly. They did not always make it every month, but pretty darn close. 

Every marriage can be strengthened by putting the time and effort into getting to know each other. In the book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," it states, "The biblical term for sexual love is to "know" (Gottman & Silver, 2015, p. 61). 

It goes on to say, "The more you know and understand about each other, the easier it is to keep connected as life swirls around you" (Gottman & Silver, 2015, p. 62). 

We as couples can do better in this department. We can strengthen our marriages by simply getting to know each other and spending quality time together. One way we can do this is by having a weekly date night. For my husband and I we cannot always do a date night, so we plan a lunch date together instead of dinner. It is a time to break away and simply be together. We try to stay away from our phones and use the time wisely to talk to each other. It has been a blessing in our marriage to take the time away from our busy schedules. Our dates have deepened our friendship and keeps us emotionally connected to one another. 

If your marriage is rocky and you are going through a rough patch, take heart and try these things out. Service and sacrifice changes hearts, especially our own.

References

Goddard, H. Wallace, PhD. (2009). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. JoyMap Publishing.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (2nd ed.). New York: Harmony Books.

• ISBN: 9780553447712