#5: Friendship is the Key

Why do people struggle so much in their marriages? According to authors John Gottman, PhD and Silver Nan in the book, "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" they state, "At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company" (Gottman and Silver, 2015, p. 33). 

It is true that a marriage based on friendship will help when conflict arises. A good example of this is my husband's parents. Even in their darkest moments, they stay together because they are friends. They have a deep love and mutual respect for one another and always fall back on that. They look for ways to serve each other. My father-in-law always takes care of my mother-in-law's car. He regularly washes it for her, changes the oil, and makes sure it is in tip-top shape. My mother-in-law will go out every week and mow the lawn because she knows my father-in-law hates it. He will do it, but since she knows he does not like it, she goes out and does it before he even thinks about it. They serve each other because of their love for one another and because of their friendship. 

With friendship, love blossoms. My In-Laws are good examples, not only how they actively serve one another, but by connecting with each other. They are always concerned about the other and take the time to check in with each other often. They share confidences and work on their dreams and aspirations. One example of this is my mother-in-law always dreamt of vacationing together with the entire family. She wanted to "make memories" with her husband, kids, and grandkids before she gets too old to do anything adventurous. Both of my In-Law's saved for over thirty years to afford vacations with our family. Last year took the entire family (24 in total) to Alaska and this summer it will be Hawaii. They both shared this dream together and now it is a reality for them.  

Here is a picture of all of us in Skagway! Look at my cute mother-in-law in the pink jacket with that smile on her face! 

Yes, my In-Laws argue. No, their marriage is not perfect, but they are friends and their friendship will continue to carry them through anything that comes their way.  

In the Book of Mormon in Mosiah 3:19 it reads, "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." 

As we develop these attributes and become humble, patient, full of love, with our spouse we can build on the friendship base we start with. By building on that friendship, we can emotionally connect to each other and let it grow into an unbreakable bond that can weather the toughest storms. 

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (2nd ed.). New York: Harmony Books.

• ISBN: 9780553447712